


Lost Without You

by fandommatchmaker19



Category: Station 19 (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Heavy Angst, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 08:03:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17956733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandommatchmaker19/pseuds/fandommatchmaker19
Summary: He arrives at the scene and winces when seeing that it’s a skyscraper.“I love you, Victoria. I love you so much. Just… just give me a little time,” he whispers, his voice breaking.She finds him in the kitchen again, in the wee hours of morning, for the sixth time in two weeks.When Lucas has to respond to another skyscraper fire, the events of that night affect him deeply and Victoria is there for him.





	Lost Without You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [madnephelite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/madnephelite/gifts).



> Oh my Gosh! I am so sorry I haven't posted in a long while, life got in the way! But, here's this fic that I hope you all enjoy.

It was late – well, later than usual – when the door finally opened revealing a harried-looking Lucas. Vic had already started dinner when she’d received his text telling her that his meeting was running long, so he’d be late. She was in the middle of chopping vegetables for a salad when he came in, and she jumped only slightly, before dropping the knife onto the chopping board. She exited the kitchen to find him hanging his jacket. His shoes were stowed away neatly by the wall.

“Hey,” he greeted, smiling, before he wrapped his arms around her. Vic hugged him back, tucking her head under his chin, and Lucas pressed a kiss to the top of her frizzy curls. They rested in the embrace, Lucas basically folding her into his arms, tightening his hold on her.

“Hi,” she greeted back, pulling slightly away from him to meet his deep blue eyes, her gaze curious, worried. And, then, his lips were on hers, passionate and intense, his fingers tangled in her hair, pulling her closer to him. At first, Vic was slightly surprised, but she recovered quickly, deepening the kiss and slipping her tongue into his mouth, lips just as urging, her own hands wrapping around his neck, fingers tangling in his soft, blonde curls.

The beeping of the oven makes them pull away, Vic rushing to the kitchen in alarm while Lucas just laughed as he followed her.

“Very funny,” she muttered as she turned the stove off. “Dinner’s almost ready,” she adds before going back to chopping tomatoes.

“Alright, I’ll go change,” he replies before pressing another kiss to the top of her head.

By the time he returned, she had set dinner on the table and was about two fill two glasses with wine when he stopped her.

“I’m on call tonight,” he explained, chuckling when she pouted.

“Wasn’t Frankel supposed to be on call tonight?” she asked as she put the bottle away, having filled just one and handing him a glass of water instead.

“Thanks,” he muttered, downing the glass immediately before refilling it as she sat down. “She was, but it’s her and Jen’s three-year wedding anniversary,” Lucas explained. Vic rolled her eyes affectionately.

“And, of course, you’re being a good Boy Scout taking over for her,” she commented, pouting in an attempt to seem irritated, but she really wasn’t because this was just another one of the many reasons she loves the man sitting across from her. Lucas just chuckled.

“Let’s just keep our fingers crossed that nothing happens,” he said instead, lips curling into a smirk. “So, how was your day?” Lucas asked after a few minutes of comfortable silence. Vic shrugged. This was one of the best parts about being with Lucas. They didn’t have to talk all the time; they were just as comfortable in silence as they were when they talked.

“I went shopping with Andy, lunch with Travis and Grant, came back here and slept for a bit, and then I decided to make dinner. Nothing interesting,” she told him. Lucas hummed in response. “Yours?” she asked curiously.

“Mostly paperwork, a few meetings,” he replied, shrugging. Vic quirked one eyebrow in disbelief. Lucas often used paperwork and meetings when something bothered him and he didn’t want to talk about, but Vic wasn’t going to leave it at that. And, she was nosy by nature, so she pried.

“Really?” she asked. Lucas took another mouthful of the pasta Vic had cooked for dinner.

“Yes,” he replied after swallowing.

“Oh, c’mon, Luke,” Vic sighed, rolling her eyes. 

“I missed you,” he said simply.

“I missed you too, honey,” she replied, slightly amused, her lips curling into a smile. “Nothing else happened at work though?” she asked curiously, gazing into his eyes beneath her eyelashes. Lucas let out a long, defeated sigh and Vic saw that he’d finally given in.

“I was with 88, just checking in, and I went on a call with them. It was at the-” he cuts himself off, closing his eyes briefly and Vic squeezed his hand again. She stood, her half-empty plate long forgotten, coming around the table to pull Lucas into a half hug. “844 Hawthorne Street,” he said finally after a long pause. “Where Andy and Sullivan’s Aid Car went off that cliff. Where Sullivan’s-” he choked and Vic pulled him into a hug. The words _Sullivan’s wife died_ hung between them as Vic continued to hug him, fingers threading through his blonde curls while Lucas’ arms were wrapped around her waist, his head buried against her chest.

“Oh, Luke,” Vic murmured affectionately, pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head. Sullivan had told Vic what happened to his wife when Vic and Lucas had revealed their relationship to him and Vic had known that her captain continued to grieve his wife. But, she also saw that her boyfriend was deeply affected by the situation despite the fact that he and Sullivan had made up and were slowly rebuilding their friendship. “I’m sorry,” she added after a while.

“Thank you,” Lucas replied, voice muffled. They stood like that for a while, Vic’s arms still wrapped around him, his own clinging to her. Lucas was the one to pull away, suggesting they finish their dinner before going to the bedroom. They ate, the conversation about Lucas’ day ending abruptly, instead talking about the camping trip they were planning to take at the end of the next week, when they could finally manage a free weekend together, their schedules lining up for once. When they were finished, Lucas washed while Vic dried, and then he walked over to her in three long strides, one hand resting on her hip, the other cupping her jaw.

His lips brushed against hers and Vic responded immediately, kissing his back, her own hands wrapping around his neck. Her tongue slipped into his mouth and she pressed her body closer to his. He kissed her back intensely, lips urging as he picked her up easily and she wrapped her legs around his hips, her fingers drifting down to unbutton his jeans while he freed her from the knit sweater she’d been wearing. The kitchen counter where she had chopped vegetables is the only available surface close by, so he settles her on top of it, his fingers deftly unbuttoning her own jeans. She takes his t-shirt off, marveling yet again at the planes of his muscles, the small scar on his upper right shoulder, her fingers skating up and down his torso, making him shiver. He presses open mouth kisses along her jaw, down her neck until they settle on a spot and he bites lightly. She lets out a moan as he continues biting and sucking, his hands firm on her hips. One of his hands cups her breast, and then his mouth trails kisses down her chest before nips at her nipple as well, biting and sucking, making her moan with pleasure. He enters her, and her inner muscles clench around him as he settles a slow, easy pace before gently picking up speed. Vic just tugs him closer, her foot rubbing gently against the bare skin of his thigh while he sucks on her nipples, making her moan his name, “Luke!” breathlessly. It doesn’t take long for her to reach her climax, and he isn’t far behind, especially when she kisses him, fingers drifting along his torso. So, the first round is on the counter, and Vic makes a mental note to clean it before having anyone over. Or, before cooking anything for that matter.

“Bedroom, now,” she orders, because despite how hot it was to fuck on the counter, it wasn’t the most comfortable position. Lucas makes a sound of agreement in the back of his throat before picking her up and carrying her up the stairs and to the bedroom where he unceremoniously drops her onto the bed.

“I love you,” she murmurs as he resumes his earlier ministrations on her nipples. He pulls away momentarily, blue eyes meeting her brown eyes.

“I love you, too, Victoria,” he replies before his mouth is on her nipples again and she lets out another – rather loud – moan.

* * *

They’d just come out of their high for the fourth time when his phone rings. His legs are Jell-O, but he manages to roll out of bed while Victoria merely gazes at him lazily. His phone is on the kitchen counter and he makes his way slowly to retrieve it, annoyed at whoever is calling him at this time of the night, but one glance at his Caller ID sobers him up immediately.

“Ripley,” he greets when he picks up.

“Chief, sorry, I’m sure you-” the junior officer greets and Lucas rolls his eyes. The officer in command is probably some poorly-trained lieutenant or captain.

“I’m on call, so whatever it is just tell me,” Lucas interrupts him as Victoria makes her way towards him, wearing one of his SFD t-shirts that barely covers her upper thighs. He licks his lips at the sight.

“We’ve got an active structure fire in a high-rise building,” the officer starts and Lucas runs his hand through his hair. The look on Vic’s face tells him she probably heard and he reaches over to lace his fingers with her, giving her fingers a light squeeze.

“Alright, um…” for the life of him Lucas couldn’t remember the firefighter’s name though the name is familiar.

“Collins. Lieutenant Collins from 23, sir,” the officer fills in and Lucas nods, though the only person in the room beside him is Victoria. “Captain Campbell is sick today, so Bishop and I are running this, but…” Collins trails off.

“Right, Collins, err… report,” he orders, somewhat absentmindedly. Now he realizes that Collins is the other lieutenant at 23 and he remembers why he transferred Bishop there. Vic leans against the counter, her fingers rubbing circles on his torso absently.

Collins’ report is interrupted by shouting and the clamor of firefighting several times, but Lucas gets the gist of it. He hangs up to get ready.

“You’ll forget whatever he said by the time you get to the scene,” Vic says while Lucas is walking to their bedroom to take a shower.

“I know,” he replies. “You’ll probably be called when you start shift tomorrow,” he comments as he wraps a towel around his waist. Despite the fact that Victoria is watching him get dressed, he manages to get dressed in his uniform. She follows him into the hallway. “According to Collins the fire’s only 10% contained and 23 was first on scene four hours ago. They weren’t going to call for help, but Bishop realized they wouldn’t be able to run this scene by themselves.”

“Hopefully not just for overhaul,” Vic says pointedly as he pulls on his boots. He can see goosebumps on her arms as she stands in the hallway, her curly hair everywhere, cheeks tinged red. He wraps one arm around her waist, tugging her to him, then brushes his lips lightly against hers. Vic slips her tongue briefly into his mouth, their tongues tangling for several seconds before he pulls away.

“I love you,” she says, voice barely above a whisper, brown eyes staring straight into his. His breath hitches in his throat.

“I love you, too, Victoria,” he replies, almost choking before they exchange another kiss. It’s chaste, lips barely brushing against each other before he pulls away, apology on the tip of his tongue. Vic shakes her head, fondles his cheek for a second before basically pushing him out the door.

“Stay safe!” she calls out just before closing the door. He turns to glance briefly over at her.

“I will.”

* * *

He arrives at the scene and winces when seeing that it’s a skyscraper. Now, it’s clear that the incident commander had been Bishop. She updates him immediately, recapping what Collins had told him. She also informs him she’d called for reinforcements from 88 and 12.

“Thanks, Bishop,” he says, nodding.

“Yes, sir,” Bishop salutes him.

“Alright, I want you back with the active fire company on the interior attack,” he orders her.

“Sir,” she says before rushing towards the building.

Lucas lets out a long sigh. And, then he makes his way towards the building. According to Bishop they’d started running command on floor 16, 6 floors down from where the fire ignited on floor 22. The fire line is on floor 26. Since the elevators aren’t yet compromised, Lucas takes the elevator to the command floor where he finds companies 88 and 12 as well as 23. He radios dispatch for 18 and 7 to join and begins assigning everyone tasks.

“Alright, 23 take a break, you’ve been here for a while. I want 88 and 12 on active fire control. Use the buddy system; two go in, two come out. I don’t want to lose anyone!” 18 and 7 join at about the same time, turning to him for instructions. “Alright, 18, I need you to do a sweep of the six floors above us. Two in/two out system. Seven, I need two of you on triage and two of you on floor 20 where we’re holding about a hundred or so civilians. Stay with them and secure an exit. Once you get the all clear from me, you’ll evacuate them. Rest of you, aid in the interior attack. Let’s go!”

At some point, he sends 23 to help contain the fire and radios to check in.

“We’re at 20% containment. All companies working. 23, 88, 12 – what’s your status?”

“23 is all hands, sir!” Bishop reports. “A-Okay!”

“Copy that, thanks, Bishop.”

“88 is A-Okay, we’ve got two pairs fighting the damn thing with two on standby, sir!” the captain from 88 reports.

“Copy, 88. And, 12?” he asks, heart beginning to beat faster.

“Wilson from 12 here. Sir, we’ve got two pairs in, but Dearborn and Kara are stuck above the fire line. Richards and I are going in to check in on them-”

“How are you planning to do that?” he asks, cursing internally. _Leave it to Dearborn to show off,_ he thinks.

“Through the stairwell, we’ve secured one of the corridors they went through. We’d at least like to follow their route. Might need an additional unit to tag us out if we’re going on a SAR,” Wilson tells him.

“Alright, I’ll get another unit to tag you out. Wilson, you’re only doing SAR here. No firefighting, no heroics,” Lucas orders, knowing full well how Wilson likes to show off as much as Dearborn. It’s why he hadn’t promoted him to lieutenant yet.

“Yes, sir!” Wilson radios. “Copy that.”

“Alright, Edmonds and Hunt, do you copy?” he asks two of the firefighters from 7.

“Yes, sir, copy!”

“Are you available?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Tag Wilson and Richards out,” he orders.

“Yes, sir.”

“Sir! Do you copy?” It’s Bishop again and Lucas groans.

“Yes, Bishop, I copy you,” he replies, suddenly alert.

“We have combustible materials on 21 and fire is spreading rapidly. We need to evacuate immediately in case of flashover.” Lucas rubs his beard.

“Copy, Bishop. Alright, all units! I’m issuing an official evacuation, there are combustible materials on floor 21. Relocate triage downstairs, evacuate priority victims first! Young and Martinez, have you cleared a path down the stairs?”

“Yes, sir, all clear for civilians to proceed downstairs. Do you copy?”

“Copy that. Alright, instruct them to go down, ensure their path is clear. Evacuate immediately!”

“Copy that, sir!” Young yells.

“88, retreat and evacuate! Close all fire doors on your side!” he orders. “Once you’re outside, begin an exterior attack.

“Yes, sir! 88 retreating and evacuating!”

“Bishop, is it possible to ferry out the combustibles?” he asks into the radio, hopeful.

“Unfortunately not, we can probably contain the explosion, but there is no stopping flashover!” Bishop reports back.

“Alright, Bishop. Ensure containment and evacuate!”

The radio crackles.

“Bishop do you copy?”

“Yes, sir! Sorry about that,” she replies.

He grabs whatever he needs from command center, most of it having been evacuated by some of the firefighters from 7 and 12 and is about to go down when he hears it. It isn’t the first explosion Lucas hears, and he’s sure it isn’t the last, but knowing that there are several units inside makes his blood run cold with fear. Outside, he sees firefighters rushing out with victims in their arms and he radios for additional medical units as well as another crew to help fight the fire.

“12? 23? Do you copy? All units, what’s your status?” There’s an edge of panic in his voice as he glances frantically across the area around him. He sees the triage area and the trucks of several companies, but beyond that it’s chaos. “All units, report! Do you copy?” The radio crackles for a few seconds before it explodes with several calls for mayday. Dearborn is trapped under some debris, Kara with her. Bishop’s panicked voice informs him that Collins’ PASS device went off and he can hear it even through the radio. She can’t get to him. Edmonds calls mayday for Hunt who had been thrown down the stairs with the force of the explosion. Young calls for mayday for Martinez who had been hit by exploding glass once they’d sent all the civilians downstairs. O’Neill from 88 is missing. Richards from 12 has no pulse. Lucas sucks in a sharp breath, feeling his stomach drop. He’d gone through academy with Martinez, he’d known Richards and O’Neill from 88.

“Bishop, what’s your status?” he asks, gripped with fear. To his left, he sees the civilians who’d been on floor 20 flood into the area around the structure. Several medical responders rush to meet them. 18 was involved in the exterior attack though it was difficult due to the structure of the skyscraper.

“I’m okay, sir! Hit my head on a wall when thrown back from flashover, but otherwise okay. Collins-”

“Evacuate immediately!” he orders, voice sounding almost strangled.

“But, sir, Collins-”

“Collins will probably not make it. But, I need you down here, Bishop. I don’t want to have to explain to your best friend or to Hughes for that matter why I let you stay in an unstable structure post-flashover. Get down here. What floor are you on?”

“Twenty-one, sir,” she replies, the radio still crackling slightly.

“Copy that. Dearborn! Kara! Where are you?”

“Um, I think… I think we’re on floor 21. Opposite side from explosion though,” Kara responds, gasping.

“Alright, Bishop, go to them, try and help get Dearborn from under the debris and get yourselves downstairs. I’m sending in a RIT team to meet you halfway,” he orders, voice flat, detached.

“Yes, sir,” Bishop agrees, not fighting him anymore.

Several minutes later, Bishop radios to inform him that she and Kara managed to free Dearborn and the three of them were slowly making their way downstairs. He pulled four firefighters from 18 and 7 and sent them as the RIT for the three firefighters making their way down. Edmonds radios to inform him Hunt’s pulse is getting thready. Lucas hates making the decision, but he pulls Edmonds out as well , albeit with much protest. He asks – has to, although it kills him to do it – Young, who was on the same floor as Edmonds and Hunt when the building exploded, to abandon Martinez and help Edmonds get out of the structure. Seconds after an exhausted-looking Bishop, along with Kara, drop Dearborn onto a gurney, Young and Edmonds wobble out. Lucas takes stock and tells them all to get checked out as he radios dispatch to request an additional unit. Young also informs him that several civilians also died and Lucas curses furiously.

Despite the fact that he continues to run the scene, it feels as if he isn’t actually there. Several hours later, the fire is under control, 90% contained and Lucas’ shoulders sag momentarily. He takes stock of the situation and sees Bishop sitting on the back of an Aid Car. He makes his way over to her, wanting to check in on her.

“Bishop, you alright?” he asks, voice taking on a gentler, friendlier quality.

“Yeah… I just… it wasn’t supposed to be like this. This was supposed to be something we- I could handle. And, Collins-” she cuts off, taking a deep breath, her eyes watery.

“Fires get out of control, Bishop. And, it wasn’t on you to handle it,” he says comfortingly, swallowing back tears. “It wasn’t your fault, Maya,” he added gently.

“Thanks, Ripley,” she says as a paramedic approaches her to check her out.

“Take care,” he muttered as he went over to one of the firefighters calling him over. Apparently, the press was getting impatient wanting to hear from him on the situation and Lucas groaned, running his hand through his hair, then over his face trying to wipe off some of the ash and soot.

He passed the yellow barrier and was met by flashing lights, the clicking of cameras and dozens of reporters shoving microphones and recorders in his face. He took a deep breath and kept his voice detached as he spoke. The words spilled out from his mouth, his tone clear and somber, but it was taking everything in him not break down.

Several policemen and the captain of station 18 get his attention to talk about whatever concerns they had, but Lucas barely registers what they’re saying. He can hear himself order them to get rid of the press in preparation for recoveries.

“Chief!” he hears behind him and his shoulders sag at the sound of Sullivan’s voice. He turns to find the entire team from 19 assembled in front of him and Vic tries to meet his gaze.

* * *

The moment she shut the door behind him, Vic sagged against the door. The hallway was barely lit by the light from the living room and Vic sighed. It wasn’t the first time Lucas was called to a scene, but it _was_ the first time since she’d moved in a month or so ago and the house seemed so big without him. It had taken some convincing for Vic to move in with Lucas, to take the big step in the relationship, but as she walked up the stairs and into their bedroom she knew she didn’t regret it. She liked waking up every morning in his arms, walking in on him cooking dinner after a shift, waiting up for him when he was at work. She liked spending quiet nights with him, just eating take out and watching a movie, her head resting on his shoulder while Lucas half-worked on some new protocol, but she also loved the mind-blowing nights when she and Lucas would have sex on every surface inside the house. The watch on her wrist read 02:15AM and Vic was well aware that she would have to go to work in seven hours, but her mind was still spinning. Deciding to take a long, bubbly bath she made her way to the ensuite bathroom to fill the tub.

After her bath, Vic made her way to the living room where she turned on the TV, switching to the local news that was broadcasting the fire, and grabbed a tub of ice-cream from the freezer. Then, she called Travis.

“Uh… Vic, what is- what’s going on?” Travis asked groggily when he picked up on the last ring.

“Luke went to run the skyscraper fire and I’m alone in this giant house and I might eat my weight in this mint chocolate chip Ben and Jerry’s and I just-” she cuts herself off, inhaling sharply. “Is it- were you asleep?” she then asked.

“Y-yyeah, but it’s okay! I was- it’s fine. I’ll come over. I’ve got a tub of peanut butter ice cream. We’ll make it a date,” he said easily and Vic could hear rustling on the other end.

“Okay, yeah, that’d be awesome. Are you sure, though? What about Grant?”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. I’ll be right there.”

“Thanks, Travis.”

“See you soon, Vic. Hang in there,” he tells her.

“Yeah, I’ll see you soon. Bye,” she says softly.

“Bye,” he says before hanging up.

* * *

_Seven hours later_

The moment she hops out of the engine truck, Vic spots him, though, really, that’s a given. Of course, the first thing she sees is his white helmet, and then she sees his name on the back of his turnout jacket. He’s standing beside a few aid cars, with firefighters rushing all around him, most of them getting into trucks and loading patients into Aid Car. As she stepped closer, past the other crews, she could see him more clearly. He was standing with a few police officers as well as the captain of another station, his back ramrod straight, hands curled into fists at his side as he yells at the captain before the other man scurries off.

“Chief!” Sullivan greets as they approach him. The rest of them mimic his greeting and assemble in front of him, waiting to hear whatever he wants to say or receive their instructions, Vic’s not sure. His eyes drift over her entire team, but don’t quite meet hers. When she tries smirking at him, he doesn’t react and Vic flinches with hurt at his reaction, though she keeps her expression unchanged, singing the teapot song in her head.

“Nineteen, good that you’re here. Unfortunately, your task will be recoveries,” he says somberly and Vic can see Travis and Andy wince. “Montgomery-” he starts, but Travis shakes his head, cutting him off.

“I’m fine, sir,” he says and Lucas nods.

“Alright. We’ll split into teams of two and each team will make a recovery. I’ve asked PD to clear the press away. We’ve got six firefighter recoveries, two paramedics and two civilians. Station 23 and 18 will assist. Gibson and Miller, Sullivan take Warren, Montgomery take Hughes, I’ll take Herrera,” he orders, voice flat and neutral, no hint of emotion in it. “Bishop! Mayhorn! Pair up. Andrews and Johnson. Reilly and Hutson. We’ll be the first ones to go and once we load the-” she can see him swallow back tears before continuing, “-bodies into ambulances to be taken to the Coroner’s Office some of us will go for the next ones. Let’s go.”

He then instructs them as to where the bodies are located and sends Gibson and Miller and Sullivan and Warren before he takes Herrera along with him. The rest of them stand by until they get the all clear to go in.

“Recovery sucks,” Travis says as they walk over to the emergency stairwell having been cleared to go in.

“Yeah. It does,” Vic replies, inhaling sharply, her mind flashing back to the skyscraper a year ago when she found Travis bleeding out in the stairwell.

“You okay?” he asks as he opens the fire door.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she replies, chanting the first few lines of the teacup song in her head. Travis flashes her a comforting smile as he turns on his headlight before beginning to walk up the stairs, Vic scrambling after him.

It doesn’t take them long to find their recovery, the name on the turnout jacket read ‘Hunt’ and Vic watched Travis sigh as she inhales sharply. He had been bleeding, but the bleeding had clearly stopped and now he’s just lying there at an awkward angle. Travis’ eyes close briefly as he sinks to the ground before the fallen firefighter, his fingers reaching over to check for the pulse.

“Trav? You okay?” she asks gently, lowering herself to the ground beside him. Travis nods, but when he looks over at her, Vic can see tears in his eyes.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he replies, voice thick with tears. “I just… I knew this guy. Went to the academy with him,’ he says softly and Vic nods.

“Shit, Trav, I’m sorry. I’m gonna report and we can get out of here soon,” she says before grabbing her radio.

Eventually, they recover all the fallen firefighters and paramedics as well as the civilians. The rest of the firefighters who hadn’t done recovery line up in front of what is left of the skyscraper. She later finds out that one of the firefighters had made it and was being taken to Grey Sloan. The rest of them are assembled as Lucas and Herrera bring out the last recovery and from the look on Lucas’ face Vic can see that it had hurt him deeply.

“O’Neill was at 88 with Rip and I back in the early days,” Sullivan explains beside her. Vic nods, glancing over at him before her eyes search out Lucas’ in the crowd. At first, it seems like he won’t return the look, but then he looks briefly over at her, blue eyes briefly vulnerable and broken before they shield themselves again. Vic tries conveying comfort and reassurance in the look she gives him before she’s called over by Warren.

“Sullivan! I’m gonna handover!” Lucas several minutes later yells and the entire team pivots in his direction.

“So, what do we do, sir?” Miller asks as the team assembles in front of him.

“Overhaul,” Lucas says simply, voice flat and final. Miller groans and Lucas almost seems amused. “Sorry, Miller, but somebody’s gotta do it,” he says and Miller nods.

“Yes, sir.”

* * *

She’d been home for a few hours after her shift when she hears his car outside and the door open. She’s at the door and in his arms in moments, relishing in the feel of his arms around her. As she buries her face in his shoulder, he grips her tighter, tugging her closer until there’s no space between them.

“I love you,” he murmurs softly in her ear and Vic sighs, pulling back slightly to meet his intensely blue eyes.

“I love you, too, Luke,” she replies before she brushes her lips against his. Lucas responds immediately, deepening the kiss, fingers skating up her back, pulling off her hair band and tangling in her curls. Her fingers are just as eager, pushing off his jacket, deftly unbuttoning his shirt, exploring the planes of his well-toned muscles. Vic lets out a squeal of delight when he hoists her up, her legs wrapping around his waist as his hands go underneath the loose t-shirt she’d been wearing, trying to unclasp her bra. They pull away momentarily, breaths mingling, his eyes filled with lust as he gazes at her while he pulls her t-shirt off, and then her bra falls somewhere behind her. She finishes unbuttoning his shirt and pushes it off him, revealing the wife beater he wears under the shirt.

“Luke,” she all but moans as he cups her breast, her calves pressing against his ass causing him to grunt. “Lu-uuke… bedroom, now!” she demands, and his lips curl into a smirk as he starts walking up the stairs while keeping his hold on her. They stumble slightly, the upstairs hallway lights were off, but eventually make it to the bedroom where he presses her against the door the moment it closes. Vic lets out another moan as he trails kisses down her jaw, down her neck until they settle on a spot and he bites lightly. She wraps her hands around his neck, fingers tugging at his blonde curls as he continues biting and sucking and nipping at her neck, above her collar bone, down her chest, her nipples. He lowers himself, continuing his ministrations down her abdomen and Vic lets out another moan as he peels off her leggings and her panties, her inner muscles clenching. They don’t even get to the bed before her first release.

He stands slowly, trailing soft open mouth kisses up her thighs, up her abdomen, up her chest, her neck, her chin until his lips meet hers again. Vic winds her hands around his neck, her fingers tugging at his blonde curls as she deepens the kiss. And, then, her hands are unzipping his pants as he continues to kiss her. She lets out another moan before she pushes him backwards in the direction of the bed. They topple onto the bed, his hands gripping her hips, steadying her as her hands continue to explore, drifting across his well-toned torso.

“I missed you,” she utters as they pull away momentarily, breathless and panting, her brown eyes gazing deeply into his blue ones.

“I missed you, too, ‘Toria,” he replies, voice low and husky before he kisses her again. His hands are firmly holding her waist as she pulls away, gasping for air. Their breaths mingle and she smiles at him, flushed with lust.

“I… I want you, Lucas! Now!” she gasps, cupping his cheek briefly. Lucas smirks in return and Vic beams back at him before trailing kisses along his jaw, her tongue swirling over his skin, causing him to let out a growl.

“Fuck, Victoria…” he grunts, his hand drifting to her ass before he thrusts into her.

“Luke…”

She moans a little and nudges him with her leg as he sets a rhythmic pace that makes her squeal with delight, flipping them over.

Eventually, Vic loses count of orgasms, and when the heady, intense, passionate lust wears off, they both slow down. They make love slowly, palms pressed against each other, their feet lazily tangled together, his lips biting and sucking and nipping the sensitive skin above her collar bone. And, then he presses a soft, gentle kiss on her lips.

They settled down eventually, her head resting on his chest, fingers tracing circles on his chest as he loosely wrapped an arm around her shoulders. His fingers are playing with her hair as their feet are tangled loosely together.

“Are you okay, Lucas?” she asks softly. Lucas lets out a heavy sigh in response and his fingers stop playing with her hair as he pulls her closer. Vic moves her head slightly to look up at him, meeting his gaze. “Do you wanna talk about it?” He shakes his head and just pulls her closer, eyes fluttering closed briefly before he opens them again, meeting her gaze.

“I just wanna hold ya,” he mutters softly, his Australian accent slipping slightly through. He presses a soft kiss to the top of her head and Vic hums in response. His voice has an edge to it that Vic can’t quite place and when she looks up at him she sees that his eyes are glassy with unshed tears. Immediately, she sits up.

“Luke? What’s wrong?” she asks worriedly, hand cupping his cheek. “Luke, baby, what’s wrong?” she asks again, voice gentler this time.

“Nothing,” he replies, but Vic can clearly see that he’s hurting.

“It’s not nothing, baby,” she says, shaking her head.

“I’m fine, Victoria. I just- can we just lie here?” he asks vulnerably and Vic’s heart breaks.

“Of course! Of course!” she exclaims, standing up to put some clothes on, tossing him a pair of boxers. “Let me just get dressed.”

“Do you have to?” he asks and she giggles, turning to him amused.

“Yes, if I want to sleep. I’d love to do this all night, but I’m sore and tired,” she explains, still amused. Lucas just pouts petulantly before nodding. She pulls on one of his old SFD t-shirts and a pair of shorts and crawls into bed with him, wrapping her arms around him as he wraps his own around her.

For a few minutes, it’s silent between them, Lucas’ fingers skating up and down her arm making her shiver as Vic just lays her palms on his chest. Vic had almost drifted asleep when he breaks the silence.

“I love you, Victoria. I love you so much. Just… just give me a little time,” he whispers, his voice breaking. When she looks up at him, she can see that his cheeks are wet with tears. She brings her hand up to wipe away the moisture before pressing a soft kiss to his lips. Then, she tucks her head in the crook of his arm.

“Love you, too, Luke,” she mumbled before she drifts off to sleep.

* * *

She wakes up several hours later and finds Lucas’ side of the bed empty. Still half asleep, she wipes – tries to wipe – sleep out of her eyes as she searches the room for him. She stumbles out of bed, her legs still feeling like Jell-O from their activities a few hours earlier and she runs a hand through her curly hair before checking the bathroom.

She finally finds him in the kitchen, facing the sink, hands gripping the countertop tightly, so tightly his knuckles are white even in the dim kitchen light. She can see his muscles tense even underneath the t-shirt she’s wearing and his hair is tousled by sleep and her running her finger through it. There’s an empty glass beside the sink, but the water keeps running. There’s an almost eerie silence except for Lucas’ shaky breathing and the sound of the running water.

“Luke?” she asks as leans against the kitchen doorway. He doesn’t react immediately, but he drops his head when he realizes she’d been standing there. “Lucas?” she tries again, though she refuses to move, almost afraid to scare him off.

“I’m fine, darling, just go back to sleep,” he replies neutrally, though there’s an edge of vulnerability in his voice and she can hear a hint of his Australian accent.

“Not if you don’t join me,” she says softly, trying to keep her voice light and flirty. When he doesn’t say anything she makes her way towards him, one hand reaching to rest on his shoulder, the other arm wrapping around his waist. Lucas shudders and his shoulders sag as the tension loosens. She stands up on her toes and rests her chin on his shoulder as she nuzzles his cheek affectionately. “Whatever it is, Lucas, you can talk to me. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, I know,” he replies as he lets go of countertop and laces his fingers with hers. “I know. I just- it’s all a mess in my head right now and I’m trying to make a sense of it,” he says softly.

“Okay, well, if you ever want me to listen while you try and make sense of it just let me know, okay?” she says as she presses a soft kiss to his earlobe.

“Thank you, sweetheart. I just… I guess I don’t want to burden you with everything. I just want to be with you. Minus my problems,” he says and she hums in reply. Lucas turns slightly so he’s facing her, blue eyes gazing vulnerably in hers, hand cupping her cheek.

“Okay, but just know that I don’t mind your problems. I love you, Lucas. And, I’m here for you. Problems and all,” she says, smiling slightly at him before meeting his lips for a kiss. Lucas cups the back of her neck, fingers gripping her hair as he deepens the kiss. Vic’s own hand cups his cheek, fingers tugging at his blonde curls as he brings his other hand to cup her other cheek and slips his tongue into her mouth. Vic moans a little before bringing her other hand to rest on his shoulder, pulling him closer.

He pulls away slowly, blue eyes gazing deeply into hers as his hand fondles her cheek gently.

“God, I love you, Victoria. So much,” he says before folding her in his arms. Vic returns the embrace, burying her face in the crook of his neck.

“I love you, too, Lucas,” she replies, resting her chin on his shoulder as she rubs her hands across his back. “So much.”

* * *

_Two weeks later_

She finds him in the kitchen again, in the wee hours of morning, for the sixth time in two weeks. He’s in the same tense position he always is; shoulders tense, hands gripping the counter, head lowered, but this time she can see moisture on his cheek and she lets out a long sigh. Wordlessly, she walks across the kitchen and wraps her arms around him, gently nuzzling his cheek.

“What’s wrong?” she asks softly, pressing herself closer to him, feeling him shudder. Lucas inhales sharply, and when he turns to gaze at her his eyes are full of tears and there are tears falling down his face. “Lucas? Baby?” she asks bewildered before wrapping her arms properly around him, pulling him close, rubbing her hands across his back. Lucas returns the hug, his arms wrapping around her almost automatically as he buries his head in her hair. And, then, he lets out a strangled sob before beginning to cry. “Oh, baby,” she murmurs, “oh, Luke.”

They stay like that for a while, arms wrapped around each other, his head buried in her hair, her hands rubbing across his back, the only sounds coming from his sobs and her quiet murmurs of comfort.

Finally, she pulls away, gazing deeply into his tear-filled blue eyes, and rests her palm against his cheek, “what happened that night, Luke? What is going on?” When he doesn’t reply, she tries again, “does it have anything to do with 9/11?”

“Yes,” he says softly.

“Do you want to tell me?” she asks, brown eyes gazing deeply into his blue ones. He hesitates, and she can see in his eyes how much it hurts him, how reluctant he is, but eventually he nods. “You don’t have to tell me everything,” she adds, gently rubbing his back. Lucas shakes his head, keeping one arm around her while using the other one to wipe the tears off his face.

“I want to. I want to tell you everything, Victoria,” he says softly, leading her out of the kitchen and into the living room. They both sit on the couch, facing each other, the only light in the room coming from the dim light by the TV. He reaches over and takes her both hands between his, lacing their fingers together as he gazes deeply into her eyes. She meets his still tear-filled gaze, nodding at him in encouragement. “Uh, I… 9/11 was- I had been married to Kate for a year when it happened. They were asking for volunteers and I… well, I didn’t really think it through, but I just went. Without an explanation to my wife, without anything, I just packed up a few essentials and went to help. I mean, I just- I just wanted to help, y’know?” she nods in response before motioning for him to continue. “It was insane. I mean- I’d never seen anything like it…” he pauses, inhaling sharply before continuing, “I was a rookie and that was the first high-rise fire I’d ever seen. I was just helping evacuate people; the active firefighting was being done by the New York City Fire Department, but when they ended up being spread too thin, they asked some of us to pitch in. I did. I was in charge of running a hose up one of the towers and everything was going fine. I was doing everything I knew how to do, but that wasn’t enough so I decided to take a risk and move up one floor. Like many other volunteer firefighters, I tried to be a hero. I only ended up trapped on the ninetieth floor, running out of oxygen, feeling like I was-” he pauses again, eyes filled with tears again, and Vic rubs her thumb over his knuckles gently in comfort, “-I almost died that day,” he finally says, voice breaking. “I woke up days later in the hospital and Kate was there and she told me about everyone who died and I felt so… so broken and helpless. I think a piece of me died that day. We went back to Seattle and I joined the Fire Department, but we got divorced a year later. I threw myself in my work and rose up to lieutenant in almost two years, then captain, then up the ranks because I wanted to make the department better. And, as I climbed up the ranks and started to see things about the department and how it functions, I wanted to make it better. I wanted to improve it as a whole and I’ve been working on that since I was promoted to captain. The skyscraper fire downtown, almost a year ago, the one where-”

“My entire team almost died and I yelled at you?” she asks, voice light but serious. He nods. “Just checking,” she mutters almost cynically but immediately feels guilty about it. “I’m sorry I yelled at you that night.”

“It’s okay,” he replies, voice full of understanding. “After that I was… my PTSD was triggered. It was all a mess in my head, 9/11 and the skyscraper all jumbled together and I had nightmares for weeks after it happened…” he trails off and another tear falls down his cheek. Vic is almost shaken to her core by it. She’d never seen him so broken and so unsettled, but then again, he’d never truly opened up about his PTSD. Sure, he’d opened up about particular incidents at the group therapy meeting and to her, but he’d never actually told her what happened when he went to help at 9/11.

“Oh, baby,” she says softly, nuzzling his cheek with her nose.

“Five firefighters and two paramedics died two weeks ago. Dozens of civilians. And, I don’t know how to make sense of it. Because when I close my eyes, I… I can still hear the explosion, but it’s so jumbled in my head with 9/11 and the skyscraper fire last year I don’t know which or how many explosions… I’m trying, Victoria. I’m trying so hard to keep it together, to continue doing my job, but I can barely do that. Every time I have to fill out paperwork about the incident or attend any of the funerals or… I just can’t. I can’t,” he says, letting out another sob before crumbling yet again, right in front of her. There isn’t anything Vic can do but hug him, pressing her body as close as she can, hands rubbing across his back, murmuring words of comfort in his ear. At first he’s hesitant, but eventually he returns the embrace, his own arms wrapping around her, pulling her close to him. His body is warm and tears splash onto her shirt as he tucks his head in her hair, his body wracked with quiet sobs. They rest like that for a while, drawing strength from each other before they almost reluctantly pull away, resting their foreheads against each other, breaths mingling. For a while, neither of them says anything. Vic is unsure of what she can say to make him feel better, wipe the broken look off his face.

“I love you,” she blurts out without thinking beforehand. “I love you, Lucas. You are the strongest, best, kindest man I’ve ever known. I know it feels like the grief is swallowing you whole and you feel like you’re drowning in guilt. I know that. But, I just want you – need you – to know that you can overcome it. This pain that you’re feeling now? It’s not forever, baby. It’s not. You just… you just have to take it one day at a time and I’m gonna be here. I’m always gonna be here, okay? I love you and I’m here for you. Always.”

At first, he just nods, but then a small smile tugs at the corners of his lips.

“Thank you, Victoria. Thank you for being here for me even when I didn’t want to talk about it,” he says softly, Australian accent slipping through, though his voice is less broken, calmer. “I love you, too,” he adds, gently caressing her cheek with his thumb. Vic beams.

“I’m pretty lovable, aren’t I?” she quips teasingly, causing him to chuckle slightly. He shakes his head before brushing his lips against hers. She cups his cheeks with her hands and deepens the kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> It’s less than 1 week till Station 19 premieres and I’m sure you’re all as excited as I am, fellow Firenerds!🔥 i posted this on tumblr before, so this is just a reminder. So, I decided to make a theme week (in collab with @madnephelite) while we wait!
> 
> Friday, March 1st - Sizzle - Romace (any couple - Vicley, Sullivandy, Ryandy, Jack&Andy & any other couples canon or non-canon)
> 
> Saturday, March 2nd - Ember - Friendship (Friendships are just as awesome as romantic ships - weather it’s Vic & Travis, Andy & Maya, Jack & Dean, Sullivan & Ripley or anyone else)
> 
> Sunday, March 3rd - Flashover - Angst, Hurt/Comfort (This is the day for angst, pain and tears)
> 
> Monday, March 4th - Afterburn - Fluff (as in all the fluff! It can be a way to soothe us after the angst or simply fluff for the sake of it)
> 
> Tuesday, March 5th - Fusion - Station 19 Day (whether it’s holidays or scenes, the crew at 19 always sticks together! This is the day for any scenes involving all memebers of Station 19 interacting, being there for each other, teasing and anything in between)
> 
> Wednesday - Freelancing - Author’s choice (literally what it says, write anything Station 19 related u want)
> 
> Thursday - TGIT - it’s Crossover Time! And, since Station 19 is a Grey’s Anatomy spin-off, let’s have our favorite firefighters interact with our favorite doctors!
> 
> I hope y’all are excited for Station 19 to come back and that this will make the wait a little easier 😉


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